Killer Whales Official Statement on Coach Fonseca

 ARCATA - Jan 5th, 2007- On Saturday, December 31^st, 2006, coach Alex Fonseca of the FCCAA Killer Whales was found sleeping in his bed after not showing up to the game the week prior. This was obviously a shock to the players, fans and the management. Below is an official statement from Fonseca regarding the incident and the allegations reported out of the T-BIF camp posted on fccaa.net.

 “To my family, friends, my team, the management and the fans, I would like to apologize for my actions last week. I would also like to thank Sarah and the Heros for showing true professionalism and dedication to being honest, just and true. I would also like to thank the management and the players for sticking by me and supporting me through my personal struggles.

 My actions were completely uncalled for and it will not, I repeat, will not happen again. There are rumors flying around about my egg nogging, but that is in fact a cover up for my real issues: I love cocaine. The white powdery bliss just lifts me up over this crazy world we live in. Each line I do is like riding a train to freedom. If I could figure out a way to take a bath in the sh*t, I would do it. The drug lifts me up. It helps me speak. I once talked to a stranger on the street for 4 hours about the difference between Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. It helps me f*ck longer. I did 4 lines and had sex with myself for 3 hours, orgasming 4 times. Sometimes I fantasize that I am in a frosty field of dreams and the there is light power falling from the sky as I frolic and think happy thoughts about my high. Cocaine is really the best stuff out there. It kicks marijuana and alcohol’s butt. Maybe one day we will be together again. If it weren’t for our society we could be happy-more than happy-destined to be together in life…If not this one, then another. We could have had a life together now. We do love each other very much. I have never been happier with anything else and the fact that we can’t be together right now is hopefully just a formality until society is accepting of all different types of people, beliefs and feelings. And I also need to focus on the season right now and shouldn’t be addicted to any substance but a winning formula for the Killer Whales.

I would like to check myself into rehab, but don’t want rooms next to Mel Gibson, Michael Richards & Rosie O’Donnell. I will wait until their racist, ignorant asses are gone so I may go to a place where rich people are pampered and massaged all day to drop my habit. For now, I promise to stay focused on my team and I will stay away from my beautiful baby Cokey until the first morning of the off-season.

 I would also like to comment on the internet rumors about my feelings on the Whales’ season and how far I think we could go. The comments from fccaa.net were not words from my mouth. I have finally put a winning team on the stat sheets and the players have fought hard for every win. We have chemistry, magic, and even a little luck. I can see competing for the top spot at season’s end. There are many fine and competitive teams in the FCCAA, but I promise that we will prove to be great competitors and have an awesome shot at winning the whole thing. I am excited, the players are excited and the fans finally have something to be happy about.

 This week is about refocusing and moving on. The love of my life will no longer be an issue. And our fabulous team will go out and produce against the HSF Xpress. I do support my team and I believe we can go further than just 4 wins.  T-BIF can only look up to the Killer Whales in the standings and that is why they smack talk. By the way, two nights ago I saw Jontae Vinson (CSULA) and David Van Someren (SFSU) rubbing a clear cream on their joints. I think a steroid test is in order. Maybe that is why some of their fantasy scores are outlandish. Their management should be ashamed.”

Chico State's Baird named CCAA Wilson Men's Basketball Player of the Week12/26/2006